Liquor Barons and AT Creative break news of new Jack Daniel’s distillery in Rockingham

An exclusive story leaked on Easter Monday (April Fool’s Day) to Liquor Barons’ 34k followers has opened the bottle on the US bourbon behemoth’s plans to build their first distillery outside of the US. Read the press release below.

JACK DANIELS TO BUILD NEW ROCKINGHAM DISTILLERY.

Jack Daniels has announced plans to build their first distillery outside of the US. In a landmark deal struck with the WA State Government, the new facility will be co-funded using the recent $800 Million GST windfall, further enraging politicians in NSW and VIC. A Rockingham councillor, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: “When given the choice of a university or a distillery, it was a no-brainer mate.”

Former WA Premier Mark McGowan is set to return to his Rocko roots when he steps into his new role as CEO.

To be constructed on a site adjacent to the beach where the sailing ship Rockingham met its fate in 1830, the project has been aptly named ‘Jacks on The Rocks.’

When asked “Why Rockingham?” a Jack Daniels spokesperson stated: “We considered locations on the East Coast, but they proved to be a bit soft. Extensive demographic research revealed Rockingham to be home to more hard-core JD drinkers per capita than anywhere else. When it comes to bourbon, these guys are the beasts of it, making the town a major market, where despite the cost-of-living crisis, demand continues to grow.

To meet that demand, we can’t continue to rely on shipments from the Eastern States whose poor, unpredictable weather results in frequent road and rail closures affecting our ability to deliver. So, establishing a presence here makes sound financial sense.

Furthermore, the local attire of black tees, flannies, and jeans aligns perfectly with our brand style guide.”

“As a state WA is ‘west of the rest’ on every level, including the quality of grain grown in your wheat belt. The Kwinana Grain Terminal will be used as a storage facility for the corn, barley, and rye we’ll be sourcing locally to create our legendary sour mash. A bonus is the jetty located at the terminal, from which we’ll be shipping product to our international markets.

When confronted with the rumoured appointment of former State Treasurer Troy Buswell as Chairperson, the spokesperson stated: “We had caught a sniff of that but aren’t prepared to comment. However, I am pleased to announce that we will be trialling new products exclusively through local Liquor Barons stores across WA.

The first of these will be Cockburn Straight, an extra smooth blend infused with locally grown ghost chillies, designed to be enjoyed neat or poured over ice.”

A ‘ground-breaking ceremony’ at the new site is set to take place today April 1, 2024, with special guests Tennessee rock legends Kings of Leon playing to a select audience of Rockingham royalty and WA influencers and celebrities.